I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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