New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
