If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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