He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
