I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he thought i was a dude.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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