Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize