Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
