In America we eat man semen.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I came so hard my ears popped.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
