Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
