Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
please come you make the beer taste better
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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