It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
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rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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