can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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