Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize