I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
