hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
