4 words: hood of his car
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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