Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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