Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
