So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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