I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize