I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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