i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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