the condom got lost in my hair
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
