i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You dont lie about slip and slides
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
