If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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