If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
