I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she told me i tasted like america
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
