you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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