Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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