is your mom at the bar?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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