Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
