the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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