Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
