So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
