I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
