suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
