he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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