so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
