haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Terrible idea I love it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
