you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
