If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
