Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
