I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
