So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
