"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
