Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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