I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
