my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
