im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
