I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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