peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
