Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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