I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
