in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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