i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
