I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
