Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
