I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
where am i from again
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
