My hand turned me down
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I want is dick and wine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
