Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
