And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
