Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
