Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
