my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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