So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My dick has a subreddit
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize