This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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