Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
