you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
