dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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